Salvation from Sainsburys

"Open me for great offers and inspiration this Christmas!"
Thus spake the angel email messenger,
and immediately there was with the email ... the idea of an alternative Christmas... (with apologies to Luke 2.8-19)

And there were in the same country shoppers abiding in cyberspace, keeping watch over their blogs by night.
And, lo, the Email of the Store came upon them, and the glory of the Store shone round about them: and they were sore afraid. (For there were only ten shopping days till Christmas.)
And the email said unto them, Fear not: for, behold, I bring you good tidings of great joy, which shall be to all people.
For unto you is stacked this day in the outlet of your choosing a Saviour, which is All You Need.
And this shall be a sign unto you; Ye shall find the goods wrapped in plastic, delivered to your doorstep.
And suddenly there was with the Email a multitude of emails praising Goods, and saying,
Glory to Store in the highest, and on earth peace of mind, good gifts for all men.
And it came to pass, as the emails were gone away from them into Deleted Items folder, the shoppers said one to another, Let us now go even unto our local outlet, and see this thing which is come to pass, which the Store hath made known unto us.
And they came with haste, and found Marketing* and Junk, and the Bargain lying in a trolley.
And when they had bought it, they made known abroad the saying which was told them concerning this purchase.
And all they that heard it wondered at those things which were told them by the shoppers.
But Marketing kept all the profits, and pocketed them in her heart.

*Some early manuscripts: Merchandise